What the fuck do I entitle this..?

27 June 2001

Okay, caveat number 1 - I might regret this in the morning.

Caveat number 2 - I'm pissed as a newt...

This is really fucking me off.

My personal life is a mess.

The mess is called Malcolm.

He insists that we are not "going together".

This is a consequence of a conversation in the course of which I pointed out that anyone who saw our domestic arrangements would assume that we were partners.

We live together. We sleep together. Our finances are co-dependent... for fuck sakes that's just a pretty way of saying that I'm keeping him.

So what the fuck. If there's a difference between a "partner" and him it's too fine for me to distinguish (and in most things I'm generally quite perceptive).

Sorry, this is quite simple. Mal isn't clever enough to explain that he has a lover who doesn't mind if he shags away from home. So claiming that he's single looks the easier way of getting sex. Damnit, "open" relationships and casual sex have been discussed here often enough that peeps should understand, if not sympathise

So last night he texts me with a request that I lay out the futon in the dining room - our equivalent of the spare bed - so that he can bring his latest shag home. Typically, he always texts rather than phones when he thinks there some danger that I might not say yes.

I said yes.

Shag was duly brought home. And shagged.

This to start with is in breach of our agreement that if he wants to shag alone then he does does so elsewhere but if he wants to shag at home then he at least offers me the suggestion of a three-some... I can decline if I want to.

So tonight he asks if the shag can come to dinner.

And I say yes.

And I go to the supermarket for steak and salad and things to make a decent meal. And the shag (who is cute and bright - what the fuck is he doing with Malcolm?) has a great time.

But Mal's had far too much to drink to drive him home so again the futon comes out and right NOW they are down in the dining room fucking and I'm upstairs reading usenet rather than retire to "our" bed alone.

Please don't tell me that I'm an idiot. This at least I've been able to work out for myself.

Anyone want a slightly (alright, very) soiled boyfriend? Good in bed, but with no concept of tact or consideration. I'd say going cheap but the truth is he's a very expensive pet.

FUCK,
FUCK,
FUCK,
FUCK,
FUCK,
FUCK,

You can also refrain from telling me that I need to learn to say "no". This I'm aware of.

I just don't know how to start.

Matthew